so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
