Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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