Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
