I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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