She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
