So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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