do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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