Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need help removing her.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
