you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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