My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
