Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
