He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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