Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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