before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
