Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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