yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize