so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
