I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
its liver damage thursday
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
