does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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