i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
