Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
