my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
