We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
