Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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