I hate your face
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
