I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize