not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
