as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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