Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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