the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
