i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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