Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
