the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
