Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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