Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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