she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
