Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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