I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
smell my finger.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
