What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
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It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize