I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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