Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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