I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
