Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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