I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
