I looked at my own cervix.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
