Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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