Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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