i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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