I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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