I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
