I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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