Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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