I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude. I can hear the air.
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