It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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