Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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