Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I looked at my own cervix.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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