Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
