I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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